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I’ve finally had my first kiss, the ones that they share in the movies. I don’t have to imagine anymore. Your sweet talks and gentle touches are enough. Your sweet, hard kisses are more than I need. I need another kiss from you, another tight hug. I need to hold your hand. I need to feel your hands on my hips. I need you.

I think those say it all. But just in case, I can say more. Even though you are now grounded for having me stay the night(cause I had no where to go) I had the time of my life. I love you. Just to get this off my chest, my heart jumped with every touch. When you had your hand on my neck, running your fingers through my hair, our noses and foreheads pressed together, the cuddles. Every moment with you is like a dream come true. I can still feel you. I wish I never had to leave but I’ll see you tomorrow. I want to keep telling myself that this isn’t real but it is. I keep telling myself that I’m not falling in love, that this is another one of those relationships were I am lying to myself…but it’s so hard to do when it’s a lie.


He’s cute, I know, you don’t have to remind me. So I like him. Oh, he’s Ryan Sams, for anyone that’s wondering. Yeah, I have a boyfriend. I did have my first kiss with him(which, might I add, wasn’t what I was hoping for). But I refuse to let myself fall in this deep abyss. I have a stronger bond with Ryan than I do Jake. It’s killing me. I push it away and forget it, leave it to fade in a dark corner full of hate. But it’s really hard to do so when all your friends keep telling you. They tell you things like ‘You guys would look so cute together.’ ‘I know how you really feel about him, you like him more than Jake.’ I refuse to believe them. I keep telling myself only 62, but it’s really 84. Not a big difference but it is. When Jake leaves next year is when I’ll take my chance. It’ll be my only excuse. I know I will have to suffer for the next nine weeks but I can do it. I will just tell Ryan how I really feel. What’s going on and what I plan to do. He’s my best friend, I have to.

Thanks. I’m breaking up with Jacob Monday. Caela and Ryan will be there for support. I’m gonna give myself one or two weeks. highgradelove
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